Tim Dixon Defies the God of the Sea

Acadia National Park

Memorial Day Weekend 2012

Tragically my original southern adventure was cancelled at the last minute, so on Thursday at 7 pm, I called Fran and Marina to join me on an impulsive adventure to Maine. They accepted and we set off for a long drive. Just to clarify, here is the lineup: 

 Marina, Level 15 Sorceress

Fran, Level 22 Beard (it's a prestige class)

and of course Tim Dixon, Level 1000 Tim Dixon

We left town about 9:30 at night and I drove 13 hours straight to Acadia National Park. The plan was to get a nap before heading out to Bar Harbor, but I soon realized that I didn't need any sleep. Apparently I can stay awake forever. Wish I knew this before. So after setting up camp, chopped down 4 trees and hand split them with a hatched for our firewood. This took 3 minutes. The first day we spent trying to find a working internet for Fran to work his required hours. During this time I drank approximately 435 French Vanilla Chai Latte's and ate a small loaf of peanut butter and chocolate chip banana bread. It was delicious, and much better than the tiny lobster roll I had for lunch which cost me $3,452. After this we spent all weekend on the rocky beaches climbing and taking in the beautiful scenery.  At night we would have big bonfires and eat glorious food. My favorite meal was the Lobster. Here are pictures from the weekend.

Mandatory group shot. This will be our first album cover. Now we just have to write some music.

If you've been to Acadia, then you know that the fog (pronounced fag in New England) can sneak up on you.

One of the only shots while in this area that wasn't ruined by some Asian guy who insisted on standng in front of me while I was trying to take a picture.

I made Fran and Marina wait way behind me to get a shot of me on this ledge. Then when I  got there I realized it was a bit more treacherous to get to then it looked. I didn't want to run the whole way out around everything to get back and tell them I couldn't make it, so I just did it. I am proud of my ability to overcome my fear of heights on this one.

Since we had unlimited free wood and a sweet huge fire place, we built a seriously hot fire every night. We sould put 8-9 logs in at a time and had a mountain of coals in the morning. I love a good campfire.

On the south end of the western half of the island, the trails are filled with tidal pools. Even though the rocks weren't as fun to climb on, I really enjoyed exploring them. I would like to go back in warmer month so I can climb in them and search for sealife.

The view from Cadillac Mountain.

Thunder Hole is one of the nicest parts of the coast, but is always jammed with people. Solution: Climb to an isolated ledge.

So the trip is going perfect so far, that is until our final day. One of my favorite thing to do in Acadia is to sit extremely close to the water on the rocks so that when the waves come in, I get splashed with a little bit of water on my feet/legs. I thought it might be a cool picture if I could get a wave coming in to hit my feet. I set my camera to take multiple photos in rapid succession and got started, but this is what happened:

 So now I was drenched along with my camera gear. This was a freak wave, bigger than the previous waves that had come in for the last hour or so, and I knew who was behind it. "Poseidon! You messed with the wrong man today! Come on out and face me, or I am coming into the ocean to kick your ass" I screamed. Poseidon was nowhere to be seen, so I decided to meditate to sense his location.

That is when I  sensed something coming towards me. With cat-like reflexes, I jumped to my feet and threw a palmstrike towards the aggressor.

Wave after wave of Samurai Dolphins, Sumo Whales, and Sharks with AK47's came after me, but I answered each attack with a melee of palmstrikes and roundhouse kicks. "Thanks, but I'm not a fan of Seafood Buffets" I said after dispatching them. We went back to the campsite to find out that Poseidon had placed a bomb inside of Marina's appendix. Luckily Fran knew the trigger mechanism and could disarm it, but a gang of 100 Lobster Ninja's attacked us.

"How long will it take you to disarm the bomb?" I asked Fran.

"About 5 minutes." he answered. 

"After you get done, start making some butter sauce. We're having lobster for dinner."I said as I grabbed a red hot mountain pie iron which was in the fire.

"But I thought you were allergic?" asked Marina

I smashed the pie iron across the first lobster ninja's face and said, "You've got it wrong, they are allergic to me."

I defeated the lobsters and jumped into the ocean in pursuit of Poseidon. When I caught up, he surrendered his entire kingdom to me. I had no desire to rule over the seas, so I handed the power over to Fran who now rules the ocean.

Tim Dixon hunts the most dangerous game: Fugitives

Trough Creek State Park

5/18/2012-5/20/2012

This weekend, James, Radar, Carlos, Fran, and I went to Trough Creek State Park to take advantae of the beautiful weather. I  should mention that Amanda came Friday night as well. The first night was filled with smutty book reading, beer, a night hike, and chess. The chess battle started out normal, but then escalated to a very tense situation.

Carlos:  Check.

Jamie: I think I want to forfeit. (stands up)

Carlos: Sit down and make your move.

My favorite part of the evening was the night hike I took with Radar and James. We did a lot of it with no flashlights in total darkness. I love how your other senses go into overload when you take sight completely off the table, especially when you are sitting in the middle of the woods next to a waterfall and you can't see even an inch past your face. The feeling you get in that situation is awesome. Now this daytime picture is definitely not from the night hike, but imagine seeing a creepy guy run full speed across this suspension bridge (very bouncy bridge like the ones on playgrounds) with a headlamp on. Radar did this and it was like a scene out of a horror movie.

The next morning James, Radar and I went fishing. Jamie caught 3 trout, Radar caught a stick, and I caught one small trout, a whale shark, 2 mermaids, a German Uboat, and the Lochness Monster. I threw them all back. When we returned to camp, Amanda and Carlos left and the rest of us went on a tour of the park. We stopped off at the ice mine, the dam, rainbow falls, and balanced rock.

Debbie Downer and the Party Guy coming this fall to NBC

I have become fascinated with trees recently.

After this little adventure, Carlos returned and we ate some lunch before heading to Tatman Run beach. While there we swam and played some frisbee, bocce, water baseball, and some combination sports.

Frizzball

The correct bocce form.

I'm still not sure what game we were playing here.

When we returned to the campsite, a ranger came by to inform us that there was a manhunt going on. There were a lot of police cars and helicopters in the area, which we thought was weird, but apparently there were two escaped fugitives on the loose in the park. I am being totally serious right now. The ranger suggested that we lock our cars so they couldn't be stolen...

...but I  had another idea. Once again, it was time to hunt the deadliest prey: fugitives. The police had been searching with helicopters and dogs for hours, but all I had to do was scratch my beard once. The fugitives heard this sound and knew it was over so they turned themselves in. Their crime: Underestimating me.

The next morning, Radar left early while the rest of us took some time to relax along the creek.

 

Overall the weekend was very fun, and I can't wait to do it every nice weekend we can. Until next time:

SHOCKABRA!

Tim Dixon Enters the Black Forest

On Cinco De Mayo, James, Carlos, Amanda, and I went to Shawnee State Park to enjoy the three S's in life....

 swinging,

 sombreros,



and sexy poses.

During our party, I stepped out to use the restroom and encountered a Knight's Templar battling a group of Mexican Ninjas. Together we defeated the ninjas, but the knight had suffered a fatal blow. He told me that he was the protector of the Tree of Wisdom, a glowing white tree deep in the Black Forest. Legend has it that the tree has the power to grant any wish. Many have searched for the Tree of Wisdom, but none have returned, as the Black Forest is a place of great peril. I could not resist the danger, so I headed north to the Black Forest, which is within Cook Forest State Park in northwestern Pennsylvania.

On the way I  stopped off at the Kissing booth on route 36 with free WIFI. Normally each kiss costs $1. I walked away from the booth with an extra $200 in my pocket after 3 kisses. I arrived at the bridge across the river which led to the Black Forest.

Why do they call it the Black Forest? Well this is an old growth forest of eastern white pine and eastern hemlock trees, so thick that there are areas where the sun does not hit the ground. Many of the trees are over 150 feet tall and very big around. Walking around here is very close to the redwood forests of California.

But since this is an ancient forest, it also has ancient dangers. Some speak of trolls, elves, and other creatures mankind has long forgotten. Entering this forest cathedral is to taunt death.

 So I pressed on up the stairs, moving silently through the forest like a ninja. Using my environment, I hid my presence from those creatures which would do me harm.

The knight told me that the ancient tribes that inhabited the forest left markings called "blazes" to mark the path to the Tree of Wisdom.

I never found one of those markings, I wonder what they looked like.

 In the middle of the dark forest, I noticed an area which seemed to glow with light. I made my way through the clearing and found the Tree of Wisdom.

There it stood, a bright shining tree amidst the dark forest. I walked up to the tree, and placed my hand upon it as the legend said to do. Then I said to the tree, "I have everything I want, I just figured I'd take a stroll today". After that, I left the Black Forest, never to return again.